The tinfoil hat has long been the defense of choice when it comes to keeping out harmful government mind-control signals.
However, a recent MIT study established that tinfoil hats actually amplify frequency bands which happen to coincide with those allocated to the United States government between 1.2 G/Hz and 1.4 G/Hz. According to the FCC, these frequencies are reserved for ”radio location” (such as GPS), and other communications with satellites.
This discovery, which sent waves of panic through the tinfoil manufacturing and conspiracy theorist worlds, has in turn prompted many less mentally stable extremely reputable scientists to devote extensive time and resources to the development of an alternative cranial adornment, able to keep out even the most persistent of government signals.
Additionally, the commonly held belief that all cats are spies, either for the government or an extraterrestrial invasion force [opinions are still divided on this matter], has led to parallel R&D being carried out on a feline version.
Whilst a viable human model is still some way in the future, the research here at ‘IceGiant Laboratories‘® has now resulted in a piece of feline head wear which boasts the ability to not only interrupt communications between the cat and its shady masters, but also to dampen its natural telepathic abilities which can influence its owner and detect the opening of a can of cat food at up to three miles distance.
Painstaking Research and Development
The Led-Met 3000 Feline-Lite’s® development is the result of minutes months of painstaking research and a succession of models, each of which proved to be a vast improvement over its predecessor.
Our early prototypes which, although effective in dampening the cat’s natural abilities, proved impractical due to their heavy and cumbersome nature, had to be abandoned in favour of more light-weight materials.
Led-Met Prototype
Although the Beta-Model did on the whole prove more successful in interrupting the cat’s ability communicate over long distances, it also produced some side-effects, such as the amplification of its telepathic powers caused by signal leakage around the ears.
Led-Met Beta Version
Following a number of models and incidents which included the mysterious death of our leading photographer in a freak accident involving spray-glue and a bag of kitty litter, our research team was finally able to produce a helmet which not only reflected the cat’s inherently evil nature, but also managed to impair its telepathic abilities once and for all.
‘IceGiant Laboratories’® brings you the ‘Led-Met 3000 Feline-Lite’
Led-Met 3000 Feline-Lite
Units will be available in time for Christmas 2007, and will carry a retail price tag of $99.99.
Pre-Order now to avoid disappointment.
Coming Soon: The Led-Met 5000 Deluxe
October 28, 2007 at 3:52 pm
I hope the led-met 3000 feline-lite arrives soon as the led-met prototype is not blocking all the inter-feline tansmissions. I fear our cat was recently involved in a Whiskas supermeat hyst at a secure compound having exploited the signal leakage around his left ear. As a precautionary meaure i have confined him to a concrete nuclear missile silo we bought on e-bay however until the led-met 3000 arrives i fear the lead-lined, 4 metre thick walls are not sufficient.